A rollercoaster of emotions, and infatuation for the first time in a long while

Today was really a rollercoaster of emotions.

First the high that came from my successful speech

Next the pressure from being the mouthpiece of a top student

Finally the guilt that came from letting said student down.

But that's not the end. That is hardly enough to be considered a rollercoaster. The finale emotion trumps all previous emotions in magnitude and intensity.

Love.
Is that right?

I haven't had a serious crush in the past year. Had too strong of a focus on my studies.

I can't do this now. Not when i'm doing so well. I know this feeling all too well and its going to destroy my progress so far if i let it intensify further.

I will crush it at the source. I will end it before it has a chance to grow. I will turn to the solution i know always works. I will hit the court tomorrow. The answer which i know always works.

Its strange. I thought she was cute when I first saw her, but it was nothing this serious.

She was spectacular today, completely breathtakingly gorgeous and my heart was stolen instantaneously. It doesn't make sense. I'm hardly a superficial person. Nobody who knows me has ever termed me as one. And yet such an increase in beauty can charm me instantly. It doesn't make sense at all.

Why do i always fall for the girls that are taken? Is it because the good ones are all already taken? And its not like I can bring myself to be the 3rd wheel. It would be so much easier if i could, at least i would get shot down and be able to get on with my life. But its not about taking the easy way out sometimes. Its not her fault that i fell for her. She's not just the object of my infatuation; she is also my friend, and sometimes you have to do what is right for your friends even if it isn't what u want to do. There is no point to confessing to an attached girl and giving her doubts about her own relationship. Because I have experienced that myself before, and it isn't pleasant. My friend says i'm retarded and he has a point. If i know she'd be happy with me and i dun even know the guy, what is this "right" and "wrong" i keep talking about?

I dunno either. Its just the way i am. I still have a sense of righteousness nomatter what.

Enough already. I have too many things to focus on for now. There will be plenty of time for love when i'm successful.