i am in misery!

its the 3rd time this has happened to me in my life

and i know you (me. yes, i'm officially talking to myself. its been nearly 2 weeks and i'm losing it because every moment i'm not with her its so painful i'm gonna die)

i know you (me again) very well.

i know your style like the back of my (hmm) hand

don't even think about it.

so what if you feel like your heart is a rock which has sank to your stomach and is taking up so much space there that you have no appetite.

so what if that rock sometimes feels like it disintegrated and fills up your insides with hot lava (does that even make sense?)

and so what if sometimes when that lava is starting to feel like a relief, it solidifies again into that dreaded lump of rock to weigh so  heavily in your stomach?

I can't focus.

Its the damn final stretch with 2 weeks left to my finals and i can't focus.

I need to play bball. And I need a strong opponent. (I played willie 2 weeks ago and it worked, but only for about 3 days until i met her again. Its not enough. He has improved greatly but he's not enough. i need a stronger opponent.) Its my only hope of curing this. I need the ultimate opponent. Someone strong, preferably school team level. No, thats not enough for this scenario. I need the star player of the school team. Please, let me meet someone strong on the court to challenge. I don't want a stupid hollow victory against someone not even close to my level. Yes, i know the chances arent on my side. 99% of the people i meet randomly aren't a challenge. But none of my usuals are going to organise a game at this time, so close to the finals. I need luck. I need luck to meet someone strong. Then i won't need any more luck because i will beat him with my own power and get out of this rut. I know the secret. The only way to get this rock out of my stomach is to smash it to bits by defeating someone truly strong. I know that feeling. Its been a long time but i still remember that feeling. I will have it again.

I have to.

Its my only hope.

I swore to get deans list for two consecutive sems and i'm so close now. I've aced everything so far. I'm not going to falter now just from this. This is the biggest challenge I've ever had in my life so far and a huge valley just opened up before me in my path for ultimate glory. I will jump across the valley. I will jump harder than i have ever jumped before.

I have to. Because i'm going to jump no matter what.

And if i don't clear it...

I will clear it.

The strange thing about the description of the girl is that it fits 3 of the girls I have met recently in my life, which makes me wonder about something. They're all good girls. Are all the good ones are taken already? They're rather similar in personality. Looks too, all decent-good looking.

And yet, the feeling i feel is completely different with her. She looks abit prettier than the other two, feels abit more familiar, seems abit nicer. Or maybe that's just me.

My heart races to 999 per minute when I'm with her.

Every moment I'm away from her i'm thinking about her.

The only time when i manage to escape from this feeling is when i'm with her.

All the good ones are taken already...

Are there none left for me?

Am i going to be alone?

*Looks in mirror*

Ha! Please...

I have overflowing amounts of charisma and confidence. My wit is unparalleled. I am a high flyer. My grades in my faculty top the country. I'm wealthier than 99% of the people my age, through strong financial control. I have fortune and luck with my investments. I have an excellent upbringing and fantastic background. I'm good at all sports. I'm a musical talent with 3 instruments at my fingertips. I'm good looking.. maybe just decent looking enough. I'm basically perfect. also kinda obnoxious sometimes, after reading this paragraph.

Don't judge me. My current mood means I have no desire to curb my overwhelming ego which i usually have such excellent control of.

I'm usually really humble.

No, really...

(wow, actually i'm quite an unpleasant person. when i manage to suppress that egomaniac within, everyone loves me. but when it comes out.. boy does it come out..)

But someone told me this recently. In life, success isn't just from your career. There's career, of course, then there's creating a good family and settling down. A truly successful person is well-rounded. (And not well-rounded as in good as studies, good at sports, good at music yada yada. I'm already all those things. It doesn't really do anything except impress people for about a minute.) By choosing to cut out all distractions and focus solely on my future, I may be making the biggest gamble here. Will i end up rich and famous but with a meaningless trophy wife? Or will I find the woman I can love with all of my heart. The friend warned me. He knows I have high standards and I am picky. He tells me all the ones i want are taken already. Because good girls do grow on trees, but they don't hang around for long unpicked.


I only wish they met me first. Because good girls will stick with their guy forever. So they will never get a chance with me, nor i with them. Purely because they are good and pure. 

But they don't deserve those average joes. they deserve someone as perfect as me. But its completely understandable that they would rather stay with the average joe den take a gamble. If there are 100 guys like me out there, 99 of them are asses. Its a good move not to take a gamble on me. The odds aren't on their side. However...

Guys as perfect as in anime don't exist in real life? There's one right here.



I only wish you met me first..



I can show you the world~~