success

i don't just want success like normal people

i need it

i need it so desperately i would rather die than not be recognized, not be successful

when i feel like i am not taking the right steps to achieve that success

i don't feel sad or emotional like normal people

i feel panicked

i get panic attacks

i don't ever lose my cool

but the panic attacks happen in my head

and i don't have much time left

3 years

i can't afford to waste any time

what should i do?